And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Sometimes making the connection between what we know to be true and what we feel is difficult. I know that God watches over me and my family at all times and that He always has the best of plans for us, even if we may have to trudge through difficult times to get there. Logically I know this. I know His plan is the right plan. I know worry is senseless because He will always take care of me. I know that if something bad happens in my life that it is not the end, it is only a beginning for something better and greater. In my mind, I know these things.
So why is it that my heart still aches with worry? Not always, not mostly, but, well at least for today. For some reason, today, I am wrought with worry and concern for my unborn child. I have no new information. I don't know what the genetic test says, I haven't had any more ultrasounds. But as a mother, carrying a helpless growing child, I am worried. I want him to have the best life possible. I want him to be able to run around with our other kids. I want him to be able to add to the chaos at dinner and hear his cries in the middle of the night. I want to laugh when he is silly and frown when he is naughty. I want so desperately to know that he is going to be ok.
I have been fine all week really. I have put my faith in God and prayed and called on those I know to pray. I know that all I can do for him right now is pray and have faith in God's plan for him. But for some reason, today, I am overcome with worry and despite my prayers and devotion to the faith, can't seem to shake this worry out of my heart. It's funny I suppose. My husband and I are open to a large family, hopeful really. Having lost babies in the past, I have left my heart open to however many children God is willing to bless us with. When we found out we were expecting, we were overjoyed, even though the timing wasn't what we considered great, being right after my husband lost his job and was just starting a new one. I had faith that God would provide for this new little bundle.
But, we both laugh at how much work our boys are and we would talk about how nice a little girl would be. A little bit more of that calm energy in the house would be a good thing. But now, just hoping he will be ok, I see how silly it is to hope for a specific gender. I would gladly take a hundred more boys if they would all be healthy. I know that God has already taught me something in this last week since the ultrasound. I know he has helped me grow in my prayer life and in the faith. He has shown me that in my times of sorrow, worry, and frustration, that I cling more to my faith than I ever could have imagined. For that, I am thankful.
Those of you reading, I humbly ask that you put my son into your prayers. I know God is good and that there is no miracle to large for Him to accomplish.
Thanks for reading!
Busy Mommy Blogger