Psalms 18:1, 2
"I love You, O Lord, my strength." The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
Just like the parables I tell my children, God is our rock and if we build our lives around Him, we will never fail. I can't say that I have always felt that way. Before I had my children, I felt that I could have a relationship with God on my terms. Going to church on holidays, praying only when I needed something, holding Him responsible for any disappointments. Just like the parable, I was the foolish man building my house on sand, using alcohol and drugs to make me feel better and depending on people who didn't really care for me. So when the rain came (which it always does), I had nothing to keep me from washing away. I was depressed, unable to eat, only capable of crying and feeling sorry for myself.
I thought I had built a better foundation once I got married, I mean, I was going to church every Sunday! I still didn't understand what it meant to build my life around Him. So when the rain came again (remember, it always does), I was again washed away. This time, instead of turning away from food and towards intoxicants, I used food as my comfort instead of my faith. I didn't start to understand building my foundation on my faith until I was pregnant with my second child! After turning completely away from my faith in anger, then returning on a rather superficial level, I began to learn about my faith.
I started to learn about the faith because after having one child and on the brink of welcoming another, I realized that I needed to give them the foundation I never had growing up. The only way for me to do that is to begin to rebuild it for myself. I started learning about the faith by talking to my SIL. She is ten years older, has a large family, is a convert, and is very well versed in the faith. We are very similar people so she made it easy for me to ask questions. I also began reading because there are so many great books out there about Catholicism. Now I don't just attend church, I participate with my mind, body and soul in the mass.
I am building my foundation each day. I know that my foundation is stronger than it has ever been before. I still worry but am trying very hard to put my faith in Him because I know He will never let me fall. I understand that I will never be a finished product of my faith because each day there is opportunity to grow closer to Him. I also know that there will come a time when the rain comes again and I will be tested but my goal is to have my foundation so strongly set in Him that the next time, I won't be able to be washed away. Please God help me to build my foundation on you. Thank you for helping me grow in the faith.
Thanks for reading!
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